Others
Always remember that on many levels, everyone else is just like you. They also came into the adult world unprepared and are very likely still feeling the same kinds of insecurities that you are. They also at times doubt if they made the right life choices, if they have a good plan for the future, or if they can do the job they’ve put themselves in the position to do.
For a lot of people, these fears or concerns are reduced or under control, but when you speak with them you still want to be aware that they can exist. If you want to be successful in your interactions then you don’t want to do anything that aggravates those concerns in others. People can get the impression that you are aggressive on a personal level or overly ambitious at work if you are always making them feel insecure in one way or another. People also need to feel important, as if they matter and are part of a team. Make a contribution, don’t take over when it isn’t appropriate to do so.
Be consciously aware that many of the people you meet aren’t living the lives they would have chosen. They can feel themselves to be “victims of fate” and stuck with few choices. For example, many new workers in the job market don’t find their dream job right away. So they take what they can get. For the high percentage of them that are still in the same “wrong” field a few years later, that early decision made from necessity set them going in a direction that they may have never wanted to go.
The same can be said for personal choices and things such as pregnancy that can turn lives in completely new directions. Paths can become set for a whole host of life reasons. It’s true that some people do find the perfect fit right away, but for a lot of others happiness isn’t that easy to come by.
The point is for you not to take things personally. People may interact with you the way that they do for a wide variety of reasons that have nothing to do with you. If people in the adult world were generally happier people, this wouldn’t be as much of an issue. But the overall level of dissatisfaction on the planet right now is pretty high and that’s a good thing to keep in mind for preparing yourself for the attitudes you might run into.
One of the best ways to keep this practice is to put yourself in the other person’s place. If you look at things from their point of view, with the life they live, what does it look like? What are their goals? What are their concerns? What are their motivations? Answering these questions will go a long way towards helping you understand the real meaning of what they are telling you. Never forget that the purpose of communication is to exchange meaning, not just words.
To keep your relationships at their best, you want to realize that everyone, from your boss to your wife, is playing a certain role in your life. Your interaction with people should be partially based on the roles that they play for you. You will not say the same things to a member of your family that you will say to a co-worker. One of the best ways to keep your life going smoothly is to make sure that your never confuse the roles of the people in your life. Each of shows a different side of ourselves depending on the situation as this is exactly as it should be.
Your boss is your boss, he is not your friend. A co-worker can become a friend but you would never want to assume that a co-worker is actually your friend.Your boss is your boss, he is not your friend. A co-worker can become a friend but you would never want to assume that a co-worker is actually your friend. You will be very well served to remember the purpose of each of your relationships before you cross any boundaries that would be better not crossed.
Real friendship is based on mutual understanding and trust and to have either one in a truly genuine way takes time to establish. It is rare to find solid people that deserve your trust and as discussed above you will want to make sure that you connect with other people’s motives and attitudes before you make any assumptions on any level.
Trust is the foundation of all good relationships. Your wife wants to trust that you are loyal and safe. Your boss wants to trust that you will do your job. Your co-workers on your team want to trust that you will carry your weight. Actually honoring your word and doing what you promise to do will go much further than you think in the adult world. There are unfortunately many people who do not have the Integrity discussed in that lesson and the people who do have it absolutely stand out in a good way in both business and personal relationships.
The principle applies to the way that you look at work as well. It may very well be that the purpose of your job is not to offer you personal fulfillment. It may be necessary for you to keep the job to pay the bills and to be a productive member of your community and then for you to look outside of work for the personal satisfaction you seek and we all need. Not confusing the purpose of things in your life will give you greater peace of mind and allow you to make better decisions as you go through that life.
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